Truth of Consequences
She called me at 11:00 on
Saturday night and asked if
I could have sex with her.
Tell me if you’re a premature
ejaculator first or else I’ll have
to kill you, she said. I asked
her if I could think about it.
I still can’t decide, so this
morning I went to church.
People go up to the pulpit, but I
honestly can’t focus on
what they’re saying. Families sit
all around me, four or five kids thick.
The baby behind me screams like
someone who’s going to die
in eighty years. Then it stops, but
once an airhorn goes off all it
can do is go off again. I think I’ll be
turning my ringer off next weekend.
Kris Bluth lives in Eugene, Oregon, and enjoys singing along to the Veggie Tales theme song with his daughter. Among the places his work has appeared are Denali, Groundwaters, Every Day Poets, Irreantum, and Salt Lake City Weekly.